Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lighting a Fire...

It's amazing to me how one small change in my life seems to have uprooted an entire laundry-list of positive habits I had formed over the last few years. Once upon a time, I lost my job and made myself think I was uprooting a lot about myself to move back to California. Ok, so not really a *small* change, but I think I let that change a lot about who I was, what I was doing and what I was aiming at becoming. I let losing my job become my excuse for becoming completely apathetic about a lot of things. I was on this train to apathy, just kind of drifting along, when other things happened (Mom getting sick, a funeral or two, missing my old home and all the friends I don't get to see as much...) that acted like jet propulsion, sending my train toward apathy so fast that I'm not really even sure what happened to the last four months...

An example of this apathy... blogging. I'd been so good! Since my blog is - more or less - my journal, this is probably not the *best* thing but not really significantly life altering either. Other similar habits - not life altering in themselves - all combined together and created this apathetic Jessi who was tired, grouchy and enjoying too much her own personal hermitage.

But, I'm back. I've decided that I've had enough of the apathy train and I'm really starting over this time.

I have two callings which together combine two of my greatest loves in life: music and the temple. I serve once each week in the Oakland Temple, which is a huge blessing... and one of the things I think helped turn my train around. I am also the Music Director for the ward Relief Society; this calling provides a constant reminder to me of how amazing life can be as long as there's great music around.

Some other things have helped light this fire in me and have me finally surfacing from this funk I've been in for 6 months. I have (finally) been called as a Visiting Teacher in my ward (for some unknown reason, this took a while) and the opportunity to go visit and befriend sisters in the ward is very exciting to me. I've also been invited to join a book club in my ward with other sisters - at varying points in life, but mostly close to my age. I also had the opportunity to arrange a special musical number that just might have affected me more than it did anyone else... even though others were touched, I think playing my flute again was the spark that my little flame needed. (On a somewhat funnier note, I recommend reading the wrappers on Dove chocolates. I think that they have also played their own part in changing my perspective on things... And yes, I mean the wrappers helped more than the chocolate. Crazy, I know.)

So I feel like me again, like I'm moving forward and finally embracing this new life that Heavenly Father needs me to live right now. I'm still single, with not even the remotest prospect of that changing any time soon... but I'm okay with that... again. Still hopeful, but realizing how much I can still be doing, even if it's not the "progression" I would choose first at this point in my life. I've started up that old Gratitude journal again, perhaps now with more vested interest. I'm reading my scriptures more regularly and trying to wipe off the depressed and tired scowl that had been temporarily affixed to my face. And smiling just makes everything that much better.

In short, I'm me again... at least the better version of me.

And the final straw - of sorts - that really fueled this fire, is having something to write about. I have been telling myself that I have nothing to post that isn't boring, that would interesting, funny or uplifting to everyone else. Just yesterday, in reading my friend's blog, I realized a few things: 1.) Life doesn't have to be interesting in order for me to be writing about interesting things. 2.) My blog really isn't as much for everyone else as it can be for me.

So I'm stealing an idea (thanks Erika!) and I'm hoping that this will help feed this little spark that's finally growing again... or at least get me back in the habit of blogging. I'm starting tomorrow and I'll be posting daily (hopefully) and progressing through the list below. Feel free to read as often or as rarely as you choose... But I hope that something that you read causes you to smile, makes you laugh out loud, raises your spirits or even helps light your own fire within.

Love you all!



October's "Write About This" Checklist:

Day 1: My Favorite Song
Day 2: My Favorite Movie
Day 3:
My Favorite Television Program
Day 4:
My Favorite Book
Day 5:
My Favorite Quote
Day 6: 20 of
My Favorite Things
Day 7: A Photo that Makes Me Happy
Day 8: A Photo that Makes Me Angry/Sad
Day 9: A Photo I Took
Day 10: A Photo Taken Over 10 Years Ago of Me
Day 11: A Photo Taken of Me Recently
Day 12: Something I Am OCD About
Day 13: A Fictional Book
Day 14: A Non-Fictional Book
Day 15: My Dream House
Day 16: A Song that Makes Me Cry
Day 17: An Art Piece
Day 18:
My Future Wedding
Day 19: A Talent of Mine
Day 20: A Hobby of Mine
Day 21: A Recipe
Day 22: A Website
Day 23: A YouTube Video
Day 24: Where I Live
Day 25: My Day In Great Detail
Day 26: My Week
In Great Detail
Day 27: My Worst Habit
Day 28: What's In My Purse
Day 29: Hopes, Dreams & Plans for the Next 365 Days
Day 30: A Dream for the Future
Day 31: